


to run away from love

by iwillwalk500miles



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, F/F, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Weiss Schnee Needs a Hug, Weiss Schnee-centric, ruby is super duper patient like damn girl, they aren't oblivious for once - crazy i know, wow babe you have a lot of trauma i think you should get that checked out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26520217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwillwalk500miles/pseuds/iwillwalk500miles
Summary: Weiss had a problem.Well, in truth she hadmanyproblems, but this one—well, this one was beginning to become an awfully big one. Though in the past, she played the part (and lived up to) the title of 'Ice Queen' well enough, she'd never exactly had a heart of stone. This was apparent in few things, however, which led to the (honestly, probably well deserved) cementing of her status of words like 'asshole' or 'bitch.'(Which, once again, she'd like to point out that this was probably deserved in some aspects—not all of them, certainly—but definitelysome.)Regardless, Weiss had aproblem.And that problem was none other than Ruby Rose.Or;Even if someone wanted something, that doesn't necessarily mean that they deserve it. Weiss knew this intimately.
Relationships: Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee
Comments: 34
Kudos: 260





	to run away from love

**Author's Note:**

> inspired from the song "naked" by ella mai
> 
> i'm not editing this so if you see a spelling/grammar mistake no you didn't

Weiss had a problem.

Well, in truth she had _many_ problems, but this one—well, this one was beginning to become an awfully big one. Though in the past, she played the part (and lived up to) the title of 'Ice Queen' well enough, she'd never exactly had a heart of stone. This was apparent in few things, however, which led to the (honestly, probably well deserved) cementing of her status of words like 'asshole' or 'bitch.'

(Which, once again, she'd like to point out that this was probably deserved in some aspects—not all of them, certainly—but definitely _some_.)

Regardless, Weiss had a _problem_.

And that problem was none other than Ruby Rose.

She hadn't really started out as a problem at first. Though, Weiss thought, she certainly had the makings of one.

It was a bit of everything, actually. The way that her eyes crinkled when she laughed, sparkling as she threw back her head and expressed emotion with the entirety of herself. It had stirred up something within her, raging inside her chest and beating alongside her heart with the rhythm of a thousand beating drums. Perhaps it was obvious in retrospect, but Weiss had not taken notice of it, had not realized what feelings had been blooming inside of her. No, instead she had been consumed by something else.

Consumed by the way Ruby had started to look at her, knowing almost—and entirely too _warm_. There was nothing to hide behind for either of them, no excuses for them not to realize what had happened, what had shifted between them.

They didn't talk about it.

There was really no point, the both of them already knew exactly how the other felt—Ruby knew that Weiss could hardly wrap her head around it and Weiss knew that Ruby was simply content to what they already were to each other. Weiss had found that there was no reason to really _say_ what they already both knew, their places in each other's lives had already been cemented, what was the point in talking about it?

Well, that was at least how Weiss felt about it.

She knew that Ruby wanted to talk about it, that she wanted to come to a verbal agreement of _something—_ to understand what exactly it was that was happening between them, and Weiss...

It wasn't like Weiss could blame her. 

Sometimes, she wanted exactly what Ruby did, wanted to just talk about it until her voice went hoarse, until every word that bounced around inside of her had finally been spilled out into the open. There was only one issue with that, the moment that their feelings were out there—that they had been actually said, there would be no stopping the inevitable.

Weiss didn't really deserve it, now did she?

Besides, before they'd had a chance to really talk about it, everything... broke.

Beacon, overrun, their friends scattered to the wind like rose petals, her father adamant on dragging her back to Atlas, and—Pyrrha.

(God, _Pyrrha._ )

They'd all managed to reunite again, had that warm and fuzzy reunion, but there was no ignoring the chunk of themselves that they'd left behind at Beacon academy, there was no returning to what they'd all been. They had all changed, somewhat—and it was mostly for the better, Ruby was stronger and Weiss was softer. But with the change inside herself came along insecurities and demons she'd forgotten existed or managed to banish.

She'd spent too long in that manor, and returning there after everything she'd gone through at Beacon had been like someone ripping the wings from her body and leaving her to bleed on the floor of a gilded cage.

And now, well, now they were all in _Atlas._

All of it, all that she had managed to escape from, pierced her heart straight on—freezing her insides cold and leaving her a sighing, shaking mess. Every time she so much as glanced out the window there was a reminder of what she'd ran from, of what she'd been forced to _return_ to. It left for an awful existence, her mood flip flopping from despondent to something else entirely, and though she'd been surrounded by friends there was no getting rid of the absolute _loneliness_ that saturated every corner of the blasted city.

It was seriously starting to get to her, and she feared that soon she might snap.

(Weiss hadn't been wrong.)

There was no hiding from the poisonous claws of exhaustion. Everyone eventually succumbed to it, eventually fell to the whims of its will—and Weiss found that she was no exception. She forced herself to take a deep breath, to keep her feelings at bay. It was already getting difficult to control herself, and she wasn't even around anybody else. Weiss needed to just get ready for bed and sleep for a long, _long_ time. She went through the motions robotically, not really keeping track of what was going on around her and focusing on herself. As soon as she was done she'd get to rest, she reminded herself, as soon as it was over she'd have all the time in the world to wallow.

“Weiss?” Ruby’s voice cut through her thoughts, the sound of her voice startling.

“Ah.” Weiss blinked, tensing for a moment before she relaxed. She sighed, rubbing at her eyes for a moment before managing a smile in greeting. “Hello, Ruby.” The words come out softly, raspy and weak—as though she could hardly bear to have them escape her mouth. Even though Weiss knew that she had nothing to be afraid of when it came to vulnerability in front of her partner, a small shock of fear coursed through her anyway.

Ruby stared, her dark brows furrowed as she examined her thoroughly. There was that calculating glint in her eyes, one that Weiss recognized and simultaneously feared and adored.

“Are you okay?” Ruby asked after a moment, her expression softening as she walked deeper into the room. Her eyes were warm and earnest; and it became all the more harder for Weiss to keep the bubbling vat of emotion in her chest to herself.

The urge to open up was there quicker than a bullet, lodging itself in her heart and making a lump rise in her throat. She wanted to be comforted by Ruby, she knew that much at least, but she knew that there was no way that Weiss could allow her that. Her partner would want to help her, the moment that it became clear that Weiss was struggling Ruby was always there, and it was the same the other way around—but the feelings that clung to her, seeping from her body in oozing vats of _exhaustion_ —felt different than normal.

Normally, perhaps Weiss might've been able to open up.

Normally, perhaps Weiss might've opened her arms, a silent plea for a hug.

Normally, perhaps Weiss might've been able to stomach allowing herself to be vulnerable.

But there was nothing normal about the way she felt, not at that moment, and she feared it would stay that way for a good long while.

She looked at Ruby then, taking in the furrow of her brow and creases under her eyes—the way her shoulders had stiffened up, her posture straightening. _How worried she looked_ , Weiss thought—almost fondly, _how truly, awfully concerned_.

“I’m alright.” Weiss said after a moment, forcing a weak smile as she swallowed the lump in her throat, looking down at her lap. “Just... _tired_ , I suppose.”

That was only the half of it, really, Weiss felt _more_ than just tired—she felt so weak and brittle that she'd collapse under gentle winds. Things had started building and building for her, so much in her mind that had been left unsaid and unpacked, things growing cramped and cluttered in the expanse of her mind. Perhaps it was unwise to let things continue as they were, so much plaguing her with very little reprieve, but Weiss wouldn't have it any other way—there was no time for moments spent unloading, and she couldn't find the will to allow herself to be vulnerable enough to do it.

Not here, at least. Not in Atlas.

Ruby hummed, moving around the room as she put her things away, “Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” Weiss nodded her head, rubbing at the back of her head, trying not to listen to the sounds of her partner shuffling around. She was more than _exhausted_ , actually—and though she’d begun the motions of getting ready for bed she couldn’t quite muster up the energy to undo her hair. She let out a frustrated sigh, letting her hands fall unceremoniously behind her, leaning on them and letting out an exasperated huff as she craned her neck upward and scowled at the ceiling.

A soft laugh interrupted her not-so-silent brooding.

Ruby had paused, already changed into pajamas. (How she did it so quickly despite the intricacies of her clothing, Weiss would never know.) Ruby grinned widely, almost skipping forward as she did absolutely nothing to hide her amusement. “Here, let me.”

Weiss felt something inside of her shift, panic flaring wildly in her chest. She didn’t think she could quite handle Ruby being that close to her, not without losing the already slackening grip on her emotions. She straightened herself out, reaching upward to undo her hair herself, not looking at her. “It's fine, I can do it myself.”

“Alright...” Ruby said slowly, tilting her head in confusion. There was no hiding the worry that underlined her gaze, especially not when she began to absentmindedly chew on the inside of her cheek. “It’s just, you look _exhausted_.”

Weiss grit her teeth, averting her gaze and shutting her eyes up tightly, her hands dropping back to the side—leaving her hair in a half undone mess of a braid. That was perhaps not the most delicate way to put it, she grumbled to herself internally, Ruby could have at least put less emphasis on the word 'exhausted.' “I know, Ruby.”

“And...” Ruby trailed off for a moment. “And I wanna _help_ you when you look exhausted.”

“I know, Ruby.” Weiss said, though her voice shook this time. She could hardly stand it, how much Ruby so obviously cared for her, how she wanted to _help._ She knew that Ruby meant well, that she _always_ meant well; but Weiss was on the verge of losing herself, and she didn’t want to do that in front of _anyone_ , nevermind her partner.

“Yeah you do, huh?” Ruby sounded so fond, though there was notable exasperation beginning to seep into her tone. “So please, for my peace of mind, let me help you?”

“I can’t—” Weiss cut herself off, leaning forward and burying her face in her hands. “I don’t _get it._ ” She said through grit teeth, her voice muffled.

A sheepish noise escaped Ruby's mouth. “I uh, didn’t really hear that.”

Weiss wrenched her gaze upward, meeting her eyes. Immediately any playfulness or good cheer in her partner’s expression faded, zeroing in on the hard line of Weiss’ mouth and the frustrated wrinkle of her brow. “I said.” Her voice shook with barely contained emotion—almost like rage but not quite. “ _I don’t get it._ ”

“Me wanting to help you?” Ruby asked cluelessly. It was like she understood that Weiss was upset but couldn’t quite pinpoint the _why_ , like she wanted to help but didn’t quite know _how_. Regardless, she chugged on, earnest to the very last second. “I could explain if you want—”

“ _No_.” Weiss snapped out angrily, springing up to her feet, her half-made braid falling apart a little from the urgency in her motions. She couldn’t help it, the words that began to free themselves from her mouth, lashing out. “ _No_! It’s—It’s how you just want to help me, honestly take care of your _own_ issues first before you try and help anyone else—”

Ruby twitched. “Um.”

“—and you waltz in here like it’s nothing, like you standing there is _nothing_ and it makes me so _livid_ —”

“Weiss.” She said softly.

“No! No—” Weiss shook her head, taking a step forward as she glared angrily up at Ruby, her face contorted into a dark scowl. She jabbed a finger into Ruby’s shoulder. “You—you ought to take care of yourself before you take care of me, look at all the issues that have built up for you—”

“ _Weiss_.” She repeated with more urgency.

“—how can you even _stand_ it?” The question was heavy, reducing them both to silence for a moment, Ruby’s eyes wide and Weiss’ chest heaving. She didn’t understand, she _couldn’t_. Ruby... Ruby should just leave her be, let her combust on her own; Weiss could handle something like that, could silently rage to herself with no outside interference. Having Ruby help was both better and worse—better because it was Ruby, and she so genuinely wanted to care for her, but that was also the _problem._ "How can you stand wanting to help me, even like this?"

The idea that someone would want to be around her when she was like _this_ , that someone would want to _help_ was too much to stand. Especially if it was _her_ , if it was _Ruby._

Ruby swallowed, reaching up and loosely gripping Weiss’ hand, carefully moving her fingers away. Her expression was sad, her mouth slanted downward and her eyes large and watery. She did not let go of her hand. “Hey,” Ruby whispered, “c’mon—”

“ _No_!” Weiss snapped out again, though her voice was a great deal more choked up this time. She averted her gaze, turning her face away and ducking her head so that Ruby couldn’t look. “It’s like—like you come over here to _what_?” She asked, “Comfort me? Is that what this is—is that what you want to do? Why, huh? _Why_?”

Ruby was silent again, before she squeezed Weiss’ hand in her own, calloused fingers gently pressing into her skin. She sighed, moving her other hand to slowly tilt her chin up and toward her. Ruby’s eyes were startling, but her face was earnest. “You know why.”

And damn her, Weiss _did._

“You really want to deal with me?” Weiss asked, a bitter smile cutting into her cheeks. She forced herself to pull away, wrenching her hand from Ruby’s grip and taking a few steps back. She laughed, but it was hollow. “ _Me_? Spoiled, and immature—the oh so cold, Ice Queen? High maintenance, frivolous, and apathetic?” 

Ruby stared, her expression painted in such a picture of absolute emotion that for a moment Weiss forgot all about the seething rage burning in her heart. “If you let me.” She said very quietly, “If you let me I’d do all that and more.”

The desire to allow her to continue, to keep her there— _close and so warm_ —was intoxicating. She wanted it, she really, _really_ did; but she would never be able to just have it. Love like that, unconditional and all encompassing, it was never in the cards for someone like her—cold and careless as she was.

Weiss tilted her head, frowning up at her—though her face was more sad than annoyed. “I am vain.” She pointed out, gritting her teeth and crossing her arms around her chest. “Vain and cruel and uncaring and _undeserving._ ”

And she was so _angry_ about it, so entirely _furious_ that this could happen to her; that someone could come along and turn her into this awful mess of bleeding emotion. How could it be that someone could come along and _care_ for her, how could it be that someone who was apparently willing to stand beside her even through _this?_ It was too good to be true, it had to be—Weiss didn’t know if she could handle if it was otherwise.

Ruby took a step forward, but Weiss didn’t notice.

“I don’t know how you can stand it!” Weiss laughed, bitterness saturating every word she spoke. “To look upon me and see anything but poison—a plague—damaged and selfish and _unwhole_.”

“Weiss.” Ruby said.

“I have been ripped apart over and over and over again—” Her scars seem to flare with phantom pain, her eye and stomach burning as she clenched her fists tightly. “—you really want to love someone like that? You really want to force your way through everything that I am so that you can love me?”

“If you’d have me.” Ruby replied immediately, her face serious. She pressed a hand to her heart, as though what she was saying was a grand declaration, the oath in her words unmistakable. “If... If you’d have me, if you’d let me love you.”

Weiss swallowed the nervous lump in her throat, wrapping her arms around her stomach while she tried to hide her shivering. “You’d break through everything to love me?”

Ruby smiled, and Weiss knew that if she had wanted Ruby to listen to her, to leave and ignore everything that she was—that question had been the wrong one to ask. Weiss could see it, the declaration dancing on her tongue, and her heart started to beat faster as the look on Ruby’s face—still somehow serious—turned ever so slightly sheepish.

“I already love you.” Ruby said quietly, her words were stern, almost chastising; as though she was fondly fed up with the question that Weiss has asked her, as though it was supposed to be obvious. “I already love all that’s there, all that ever will be there—so when I finally get to see what you hide from everybody else, know that I’ll love it.” She offered her hands, imploring Weiss to take them, her eyes overwhelming in their emotion. “I would never love you _despite_ something, I promise.”

“It’s a horrible idea.” Weiss murmured quietly, despite the fact that she reached out, very carefully taking Ruby’s hands in her own. “A horrid, awful idea.”

Ruby smiled crookedly, squeezing her palms gently. Her hands were bigger than Weiss’ own, rough from her weapon, but still so warm that Weiss felt that she might melt. Ruby’s eyes were soft. “You like my awful ideas.”

“Unfortunately.” Weiss whispered through a sigh, looking down at their joined hands—unable to quite stomach looking at her head on.

Ruby huffed out a laugh, dropping one of Weiss’ hands to reach up and brush her thumb lightly over the scar on Weiss’ face. “Do you know how long I’ve loved you?” She asked, her thumb then moving to sweep over the top of Weiss’ cheek, like it was brushing away invisible tears. 

Weiss finally managed the courage to look up, her vision cloudy and her cheeks red. “I.. I don’t—”

“You do.” Ruby corrected her, mouth twitching upward. This close to her Weiss could see the pools of light in the silver of her eyes, could count their dark lashes. The way she smiled, wry and teasing even now, left Weiss feeling breathless, the creases in her cheeks drawing her gaze. 

“Ruby.” She murmured, and she didn’t quite know if it was a warning or a plea.

“Even if you missed the exact moment it started, you weren’t oblivious to how I started to feel.” Ruby explained quietly, “And I wasn’t oblivious to you—how you felt, what you worried about—I saw all that, I _noticed_ , and I have been waiting for you for so long.”

Weiss felt as though her chest was caving in on itself, her heart crumbling like sand in Ruby’s squeezing hands, her feelings seeping like blood from gaps in between her fingers. “ _Ruby—_ ”

“I was being patient, you know.” She continued, amusement turning into something softer, sadder. “I was being _so_ patient, because I knew that you loved me, and I knew that you needed time; not to mention there was never going to be a good time for...” She sighed, absentmindedly patting Weiss’ cheek. “Well, good timing has never really been something I’m super good at.”

Weiss laughed, but it was watery and choked, full of an emotion she didn’t want to think about. “I’m awful, you know.” She pointed out quietly. “You really do deserve better.”

Ruby smiled, “I think you’re the best I’m ever going to get.”

“That’s depressing.” Weiss murmured through a grimace, bowing her head.

“Not to me.” She protested, tilting Weiss' face so that she was looking back up at her. Ruby's grin was broad and sparkling—digging into her cheeks and making her eyes crinkle up. “I think that you’re wonderful.”

“Ruby—”

“Do you want me?” Ruby asked, cutting her off. Her eyes seemed to dim, and she dropped her hand from her face. “I know that sometimes people can be in love with someone, but can’t really stand to be with them—sometimes it’s because they aren’t ready, but other times it’s because they aren’t wired to.” She smiled, now. “There’s nothing wrong with not wanting me like how I want you.”

“I—” Something in her eyes burned. “I...” Hands brushed against her cheeks, warm warm _warm_ —her thumbs brushed at the areas under her eyes, wiping away the tears that spilled down her face.

“Don’t cry.” Ruby pleaded, suddenly sounded panicked. “Please don’t cry! I didn’t mean to—”

“I do love you.” Weiss whispered, her eyes brimming with tears and her words desperate. “I do! And it _astounds_ me that you can stand to love me in return, to love me as all I am—”

“Weiss, sweetheart.” Ruby began, still cupping Weiss’ face in her hands. “I love you, I do; sometimes it feels like I love you so much that I’ll collapse under the weight of it all.”

And for the life of her, Weiss couldn’t understand. “But _why_ —”

“I could tell you every reason in the world I have to love you.” Ruby started seriously, still brushing away the tears streaming from Weiss’ eyes. “Though it would never be enough to really... _explain_ exactly the way I feel. And—and telling you would _never_ be a waste, but if you don’t believe me after everything I’d say I don’t think I’d be able to stand it.”

“You love me.” Weiss said, struggling to keep her voice level.

“Yes.” She whispered back, breathless. “But you already knew that, you just... you just didn’t get _why_ and I can understand that, really _I can_ —and... and I can try and _help_ , but I can’t just unpack the things you feel _for_ you.”

“I would never ask you to.” Weiss retorted immediately, eyes going wide. It was silent for a moment, the two of them just staring at each other—caught in the orbit of each other. Weiss swallowed, and blurted. “It’s all a bit messy, and you’ve never been the tidiest of people.”

“Wow, you got _jokes_.” Her laugh was weak, but genuine overall. “Funny.”

“I thought so.” Weiss murmured, moving so she could drop her head on Ruby’s shoulder, her face slipping from her hands. It wasn’t exactly a hug, Weiss’ arms did not move to wrap around her body—but for the moment it was all she could really stand to give. 

Ruby didn’t waste a second, carefully drawing her closer, making it easier for Weiss to genuinely lean on her. 

It was warm.

“Ruby?” Weiss asked, her voice a whisper into Ruby’s shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“I... I’ve said it, but I still want you to understand that I _do_ love you, and that...” She sighed. “That I want you near, that I want you close—and I want...” Weiss struggled for a moment, her eyes stinging and her ears burning. “I know that I do want you.”

“Neat-o.” Ruby laughed, a little nervously, and wrapped her arms tighter around Weiss. “That’s really, uh, that’s really cool.”

Weiss scowled, but didn’t move away, and finally moved to reciprocate the embrace. “ _Why_ I want you, on the other hand, I will never know.”

“Me neither.” Ruby snorted, and kissed the side of her head. “We’re gonna get through it, you and I.”

“Get through it?”

“Anything.” Was her answer. “Everything—we’re gonna get through it.”

“Together.” Weiss decided.

“Yeah.” Ruby smiled into Weiss’ hair. “Together.”

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what i'm doing but i have a hunch that at least i did it well


End file.
